In a break from the usual blog posts about what we have been up to, let me tell you about some of the scams people have attempted to pull on us while away.
Some of the tricks are absurdly amateurish - others are remarkable for their ingenuity. At the end of the day though, these people are all thieves.
While there's obviously a risk that one of our bags could be snatched, people seem keener just to rip tourists off as it is easier to get away with.
While the majority of traders run honest businesses, the lowly conduct of the minority means we end up treating everyone as a potential crook.
As a general rule, if a deal sounds too good to be true it is.
The tricks are as follows:
1) "You've won a prize!" - The morning after arriving in Koh Samui, an island in southern Thailand, a Brummie man called Ian pulled over on his motorbike to speak to us as we ventured out to find some breakfast.
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| Con: The flyer we were given which we opened up to reveal we had 'won a prize' |
Not caring in the slightest about this tacky prize, Kelly-Ann opened hers and it said she had won either an iPad, iPhone or £1000! Amazing!
Ian, a bald man who you wouldn't give the time of day to in Birmingham, danced a jig of delight. The fag-breathed man was so pleased he gave Kelly-Ann a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. Gross. He told us he would get a huge bonus for handing out our winning ticket.
Now all this didn't sound completely unbelievable because it was coming from a "friendly" bald Englishman - and not a Thai person who we would instantly suspect.
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| Vile con artist: Ian, from Birmingham, the man who told us we had 'won an iPad' as part of a con. Minutes after he had tried to pull his trick on us he was back - and I got this long-range picture of him |
But anyway, he was so delighted with the "win" that he offered to get us in a taxi to the resort to collect our prize and buy us a breakfast.
As he tried to build up rapport, he told Kelly-Ann he had a daughter with the same name (almost certainly untrue, but it makes him seem friendly).
And here's where the catch comes in. We both had to be in full time employment under the terms and conditions (why this stops us collecting a prize is far from clear). We also had to be living together for at least two years (again, bizarre). Finally, we had to be aged 30 (why!?)
This is where the scam fell apart - as we were not 30 he was not interested in taking us. Not living together was not an issue apparently.
The trick here is that he was taking us to a 90-minute presentation about buying a timeshare - where slick salesman would offer us an "unbelievable deal". If real, the timeshare will be worthless. Of course, we would definitely have said no to all of this (and not got our "prize") so really the scam was only going to waste our time.
The only reason for the "no under 30s" rule must be that no one under that age ever ever buys a timeshare.
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| Con artist's flyer: Mine said that I had won a t-shirt. Remarkably Kelly-Ann's said that she had won a huge prize. This sounded too good to be true because it was a scam |
If I was able to give this wretched individual the right of reply I'm sure he would insist the prizes are genuine and he's an honest man. However, the testimony of multiple other travellers online tells me the opposite.
Club Tropical "promoters" and everyone else offering scratchcards which turn out to be winners are con artists.
2) "Taxi on the meter to your destination" - a scam we fell for.
Taxis the world over have meters - but none of the drivers abroad ever want to put them on because they can charge tourists a much higher price.
Arriving into Hanoi train station, Vietnam, at 5am a man on the platform offered to put us in a cab "on the meter". We should have suspected something straight away - but it was 5am.
The driver loaded our luggage in then put my bag in front of the meter before switching it on.
He then set off in the wrong direction as he took us on an impromptu sight-seeing tour of the city as his dodgy meter racked up ludicrous charges.
Fortunately we knew where we were supposed to be going - but had to yell at him which way we should drive as he played his confused foreigner act.
Undoubtedly his little joyride would have lasted a lot longer if we didn't know the right way.
We should have agreed a fare in advance - but we made the mistake of trusting him.
As his final coup de grace he revealed the journey had clocked up a charge of five times the actual cost (although only about £7). So we paid the crook half of that and let him go off to dupe some more tourists.
3) "I'm a student learning English and need to practice" - definitely the most common but also the most poorly executed trick of the lot.
A smartly-dressed man approached us outside the Forbidden City, Beijing, and told us he was a student and tried to start a conversation with us.
The idea is he would eventually invite us to an art gallery or traditional tea ceremony where we would be charged an exorbitant fee (£50 each we are told) for the concocted "experience".
However, this scam has been going on for years - and was the very first thing we were warned about when arriving in China. People have tried this on us so many times it's laughable.
The cons are always about building rapport. Two girls from New Zealand who didn't ultimately fall for it said a woman in Vietnam told them she used to have a boyfriend in their country - and quoted their international dialling code to "prove" it.
This was nonsense - and just part of their cocktail of lies designed to build up familiarity and trust.
4) The bird poo scam - Standing at the bus stop in Bangkok on New Year's Day, suddenly a poo splattered down from above caking my hair, glasses, t-shirt and hitting my leg.
This poo was so big that it must have been the work of an eagle or a bird that had eaten a vindaloo the night before.
I looked up furiously - but remarkably there were no birds in sight.
The next thing that should happen in this scam is a friendly local arrives on the scene with a towel offering to wash me off. In the next few moments, as a couple more people help out, my wallet should mysteriously disappear from my pocket.
The poo of course in this scam is their own creation - and the whole thing an elaborate trick.
Luckily for me - or unluckily - there was no one on hand with a towel. I just got pooed on.
5) Cheap coach scam - this isn't really a con, it's just crime.
A number of bus companies in the Khao San Road area of Bangkok popular with tourists offer long distance coaches at really low prices.
However, theft on these from the hold is endemic. Travellers have reported picking up their bag and only later realising their travel money or laptop has vanished - because someone has been systematically going through the bags and emptying out everything worth taking.
Often these buses are double deckers, and I believe the owners seal off the downstairs. They then access the hold internally and take your possessions.
Some people on overnight coaches have claimed online that they were "gassed" so that thieves could take things straight from their pockets. This sounds slightly far-fetched, and the claims are impossible for me to verify.
Also, as these buses are so cheap the safety of the vehicles is also questionable.
The way round this scam is to spend a bit more money and go on the train, get a government-run bus (of which there are many) or book with a reputable company like Lomprayah, who have offices in Bangkok on Rambuttri Road.
6) Thai gem scam - we've not actually encountered this trick, but heard about people who have. It's such a common con that you would have to either be just off the plane or very foolish to fall for it.
Thai retailers offer gems at bargain never to be be repeated prices in their shabby backstreet shop. These people are professional tricksters so do everything they can to build rapport - will tell you about family in England and convince you the offer is fantastic. Of course, the stones are worthless.
There is another linked trick - the conman asks you to transport some gems for them to their family in England. At the other end you will receive £1,000 for them - you just have to pay him £500 now in cash and then collect the gems the next day.
You'll be given a genuine English address and the whole thing will sound plausible. In reality, if you ever receive the stones they will be worthless.
If you don't know of the scam in advance, these people will be very convincing. In reality it is a trick and these people are crooks.
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