Where Bob Marley is God: Goa is the ultimate hippy hangout

It is strange how geeks who believe in reincarnation always claim to have been a leader or a hero in a former life.

The chances are if they did have a previous existence they would have been exactly the same dweeb with the same pipe cleaner arms. No VC, no army under their command and no castle with a moat.

Beautiful beach: Anjuna, Goa at high tide. It is busy yes, dirty in places, but also wonderful

They would most likely have worked on the railways, in a factory or a similar important job - but one that is wholly lacking in glamour.

"Reincarnation" for these people is solely a means to inflate their self-importance. But that's just my view.

In Goa you meet some truly odd individuals.

One German we met called Markus ("that is Markus vith a K") was holidaying with his girlfriend while his wife stayed at home with their child. Charming.

He was a writer (sorry "vriter") in touch with his spiritual side and sported a ponytail.

Kelly-Ann relaxes in a huge restaurant chair as we looked out over the beach

Markus, with his pipe cleaner arms, told us with total sincerity that after 500 years floating round the universe he had finally been reincarnated in 1981.

In his previous life he was a warrior who had slain hundreds of men, he explained as he puffed his chest up.

Of course he was.

Welcome to Goa, the land where Bob Marley truly is God and the sun never sets on the psychedelic 1970s.

Dirty black sand and two cows sitting on the beach. This is India

This is a place where the beach bars stay open until 4am and the partygoers keep themselves going with "herbal remedies" you can't buy in Boots.

Some of the modern day hippies who sport dreadlocks, tattoos and a vest top will undoubtedly grow up a few years from now. They'll get a job in banking and live in an ordinary commuter town. Some will even read Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.

But hey, this is India, and selling out is for the future.

Goa is home to some truly astonishing beaches and areas of it remain undeveloped.

Yet they are beaches with India's own very unique characteristics.

You'll be sipping a cold beer (90pence a pint) on one of the sun loungers when a cow will run along the beach being chased by a stray dog.

A less busy golden section of beach around five miles along the coast at Calungate, Goa

Beautiful: The beach at Calungate, Goa

You don't get that in Bognor.

Parts of the beach are also very dirty.

But when you look past this, what you have is a brilliant bit of coastline and the ultimate relaxing break.

Other parts of the coast are lined with cheap hotels where retired couples from Yorkshire stay to actually get some sun.

Of course, they go beetroot red the instant they step outside because they're so unused to the big glowing ball in the sky.

In the evenings, they'll sit in the local restaurants and berate the waiters for "taking so long to serve the beer it will be warm".

They're angry because "last night the vegetables were cold and you really need to do better". And they're foaming at the mouth furious that all their starters didn't arrive at the same time.

I swim in the sea

They moan that service is so much better back home, all the time going ever redder.

After this "debacle of a night out" they'll settle their tiny £8 bill for an enormous meal washed down with lashings of alcohol. But they won't leave a tip because of the "bad service".

As sure as night follows day, they'll be back at the same table at the same time tomorrow. And they'll say exactly the same rude things to the waiters.

With manners like that it is little wonder we prefer hanging out with the hippies.

Even if their claims about reincarnation are laughable.

Bangalore update: Why India has the world's most dangerous roads

"Congratulations, you have passed".

Despite only being 14, Shakir was not the slightest bit surprised to have got his driving licence - because he had  bribed the examiner.

Yes, he was four years under the legal minimum age but that didn't matter. He had simply changed his date of birth for the official paperwork.

After pocketing the 2,500 (£30) bribe at the start of the test, the examiner simply went to sleep in the back of the car.

Mad, bad and dangerous: India's rickshaw drivers are without doubt the worst on the roads. And there are 80,000 of them in the city of Bangalore alone

So Shakir was legally allowed to go into combat on India's mad roads which are officially the worst in the world.

He is now a grown man and runs the excellent Mass Residency guesthouse where we stayed in Bangalore.

His driving test was far from unique. A huge number of Indian children get their driving licences aged 14.

And anyone who doesn't bribe the examiner on test day is foolish.

Family outing on the motorbike: A young boy is perched on the front, Dad is sat behind but with his helmet unclipped, while his mother sends a text message. They were moving when I took this picture

The test may not exactly be the most taxing in the world - but those who don't hand over a wad of notes stuffed in the proverbial brown envelope nearly always fail for the most minor or even non-existent of transgressions.

(It must be added that despite not having a proper test, Shakir is now one of Bangalore's safest drivers. (Kelly-Ann got on the back of his motorbike to go to a travel agent's office and came back alive).

Warnings do nothing to stop Indian drivers

The format of the driving test varies across India, but in some areas the candidate has to do little more than drive round a corner without crashing to pass. Although even then you can get away with small dents.

So it is little surprise that 140,000 people were killed on the roads here last year. One in 10 road deaths in the world happen in India - even though it is home to only one per cent of the cars.

In Bangalore the roads are so dangerous at times it is impossible to work out which side of the road cars are supposed to be driving on.

Traffic lights act only as a rough guide about when you should stop or go and dangerous overtakes are absolutely de rigueur.

All Indian drivers are mad but the rickshaw drivers who ply their trade in  little yellow and black vehicles with what sounds like a lawn mower engine inside are the maddest of the lot.

Rarity: A motorbike rider with a helmet - although his passenger doesn't have one

There are 80,000 of them on Bangalore's congested roads and whenever I see one coming I dive into the nearest bush for safety.

Most Indian people believe that when their creator decides that their time on Earth is up there is no avoiding death.

And when they get on the roads this is a truly dangerous idea to have in their heads.

There are seemingly no restrictions as to what you can take on India's roads

So drivers will happily drive straight into the path of an oncoming HGV driver knowing that if they are to die in a road accident that the crash is simply unavoidable.

Applying this logic, there is no point in a motorbike rider wearing his helmet - and he will happily perch his young son on top of the handlebars as he weaves his way through the traffic.

The authorities have made some effort to combat this madness. Signs in Bangalore warn drivers that if they cut other motorists up at a junction they'll face a 100 rupee fine.

Unfortunately there are absolutely no road traffic police around to enforce it - and the penalty works out as only £1.20.

Anyone who can afford a car isn't going to be too troubled by that.

A needless 140,000 road deaths each year is alarming. But depressingly, with the economy booming car ownership is soaring - which means millions more untrained idiots on the roads across the country. It is only going to get worse.

Bangalore: India's boom economy

Every time you phone a company to complain and are put through to India, you will almost certainly be speaking to someone in Bangalore.

Most major IT firms have a base here in India's Silicon Valley which lies to the south of the city.

And as the country undergoes rapid economic development, it is being powered by cities like Bangalore.

Gridlock: Bangalore's population has soared - and the roads are struggling to keep up

While Britain struggled to get out of recession, in 2010 growth in India was running at an an eye-watering 10.4 per cent.

The country is undergoing a rapid urbanisation as people move from the countryside in the hunt for work.

Grim: Although Bangalore is growing economically, the lives of many are poor

In 2001, Bangalore's population was 5.7million - but just a decade later it had soared by 48 per cent to 8.4million.

It is easy to compare the dynamism of modern India with a city like New York which was booming in the 1920s.

But to use such a lazy comparison, is frankly, well, lazy.

And anyway, the Bangalore boom is happening far more quickly.

Despite the growth, this is a dusty, dirty city with absolutely staggering inequalities. The slums sit alongside the skyscrapers. Dishevelled cows meander down the roads munching away on the rubbish.

Entrepreneurs sell 'freshly' caught fish at the roadside which are covered in flies as they bake in the midday sun.

We visited Cubbon Park expecting a green metropolis in the middle of the city but discovered something that resembled a landfill site.

When I get home I'm going to write a letter to Keep Britain Tidy and tell them to stop their whinging.

If they think Britain is untidy they should try visiting the "green" parts of Bangalore.

The botanical gardens in Bangalore which were a lot nicer than Cubbon Park!

Here there is a complete lack of upward social mobility. The poor are born poor and expect to remain poor. It almost resembles Dickensian Britain, the inequalities feel that entrenched.

The owners of our guesthouse, in an affluent residential district with a bookshop, told us proudly that Starbucks - that emblem of western decadence and tax avoidance - will be coming to Bangalore shortly.

Grim manual labour

Western brands contrast sharply with the basic but happy lives of the poorest.

By 2016 the city should have a much-needed Metro (subject to delays) which will relieve some of the pressure on the clogged roads. But at a stroke it will put a significant chunk of the city's 80,000 rickshaw drivers out of business.

Tragically the pace of growth and development here is so fast that I don't think anyone will stop to care.

It's a booming city yes, but the poorest are being completely forgotten in the transformation.

India: A land of astonishing beauty but terrible organisation

Monday February 4

It is absolutely picture perfect.

The uninitiated dismiss India as a wholly dirty and dusty country - lazily lumping it together with every desert a long way from home.

But Kerala's backwaters are truly beautiful and an absolute must visit on any trip to southern India.

Although our boat ride was brilliant the journey was far from smooth. When you are finished reading look at the next post on just how badly organised it was.

Beautiful Kerala: Our view on the backwater boat cruise

Cruise: We travelled down the Muthuvappa river - one of 44 separate rivers and canals in Kerala

A mazy network of 44 rivers and canals runs through the southern province.

We started our journey at Vaikom, in Kottayam district on the Muthuvappa river. Our 60ft narrow boat was gently propelled down the river by two men dragging us forward with bamboo sticks.

This man pulled the boat along with a giant bamboo stick which went right down to the bottom of the water. At the back of the 60ft boat there was another man doing the same thing

One of them was at the front and the other at the back. They stuck to the shallow edges so they could poke the stick right down to the bottom of the calm waters and drag us forward.

We visited a tiny village by the water where the locals live in the most primitive conditions. Although there is the occasional electric light, it was otherwise like being transported back 200 years.

There is a nearby doctor offering basic care and these people never venture too far away - they are truly stuck in a time warp. Even the nearby towns - relatively undeveloped by western standards - must be wholly alien to them.

Primitive: A small community who live along the river banks. Their living conditions were so primitive it was like being transported back 200 years

A fisherman

The people work with their hands making the most of what the lush landscape has to offer them. For example, coconut shells are soaked for nine months before the thin twine is rolled together into a thread called coir. It is a painfully slow and very labour intensive process.

This can then be used to make door mats, brushes, mattresses and furniture.

We have the noise, the dirt and the smells of India's biggest cities to come. But this is a perfect introduction to India.

Me on the boat. There was a picture of me and Kelly-Ann on the boat together but she vetoed it

The bad: Now read how chaotic India can be

India is not known the world over for being a model of perfect efficiency.

And after a few days you begin to wonder how they even manage to keep the shop shelves stocked with essentials.

Our three-hour backwater cruise was supposed to leave Fort Cochin, Kerala, at 2pm and return at 6pm with a brief taxi trip at each end.

We were told to arrive at the place where we booked it at 1.45pm.

But it is fair to say that all did not run smoothly. To give you some idea of how bad India can be, let me give you a breakdown of what happened.

1.30pm - We arrive at the hotel we booked our tour through early in case our 1.45pm pick up is early. There is no one on reception.

Our view: Looking out of the front of the taxi as we sat at the roadside waiting for two Korean girls to be dropped off

1.50pm - There is still no one around in the hotel and no sign of our taxi. I step into the kitchen and I am instantly hit by the vile smell and see an elderly toothless women "cleaning" the hopelessly dirty floor with a hopelessly dirty mop. She doesn't speak a word of English, so summons help.

The second worker starts looking in the January 2012 diary to see if we really have booked a tour today.

I point out that it is February 2013 and, several minutes later, she listens and finds our booking. One phone call later we are told our taxi is still coming.

2.05pm - The taxi is here. We will be  on our three-hour cruise shortly. Or will we...

2.20pm - Okay, so it seems it may be a very long taxi ride to where our boat leaves from. (And there was me thinking it might leave from near the hotel which is 100yards from the water). We are stuck in a traffic jam.

2.35pm - Sitting in the back of a stifling hot car with no air conditioning, me and Kelly-Ann are becoming agitated. Fear not, the driver says in his broken English, the boat doesn't leave until 3.30pm.

Hmmm maybe this isn't a three-hour cruise after all.

Our driver chatting away on his mobile phone. It seemed to be permanently glued to his ear - especially when he was driving

2.40pm - The driver says there has been an accident, and that's why we are stuck in traffic.

2.45pm Hell bent on having his own accident, the impatient driver decides it will be quicker to drive on the opposite side of the road.

We are on a narrow two-lane bridge. He surges forward, slamming his foot hard on the accelerator - before realising that a lorry is coming in the opposite direction. He brakes and tries to pull back in, but as the cars are lined up bumper to bumper, he can't.

With another lorry on his left, the driver again tries to pull over to allow the approaching HGV past. There isn't room.

As I'm directly in the firing line for the seemingly inevitable crunch, I move over to the other side of the car so I am not showered by smashed glass and hit by warped metal.

The driver then scrapes the car. But somehow, miraculously, the lorry creeps through without taking half our car with it.

2.55pm - After that little drama we are stationary again and it looks like we won't make 3.30pm and the boat will leave without us.

3.05pm - We are through the roadworks! Yes, that's right, roadworks. They've been going on for days and the driver should have taken a different route.

Maybe we will make 3.30pm.

3.10pm - What? The driver pulls over and stops. We need to wait for 10 minutes, he says, to pick up two more people on the boat trip who are stuck in traffic in a car behind us.

Great.

We went for the Kerala backwaters and got a dusty view of the roadside

3.25pm - 15 minutes have passed and there is no sign of the other car. The driver is out of the vehicle and chatting away on his mobile phone.

3.30pm - Well the boat should be leaving now and we are still at the roadside.

3.35pm - We have been patient for the last hour and a half, but now I ask what on earth is going on - we have missed the boat.

Don't worry, he says. The boat won't leave until you get there and your trip will last three hours.

3.40pm - "Do you want some water?" the driver offers after an hour and a half in his baking hot car. Then he remembers he doesn't have any. We are still at the roadside.

Bored in the back

3.45pm - Now he goes for a walk down the road without telling us, leaving the keys in the ignition.

3.50pm - We point out that we stopped for 10 minutes around 40 minutes ago. The driver says it will be a few more minutes.

4pm - Hurrah! The two Korean tourists finally arrive and are squeezed into the back of our tiny car with us. We are on the move!

4.10pm - We are still driving and making good progress at last. To try and catch up some of the lost time the driver is mainly using the wrong side of the road because it is quicker. Yes, there is an obvious problem with that but he doesn't seem to realise it.

4.20pm - Still driving.

4.25pm - Still driving. Bored

4.26pm - We pull off the main road onto a ramshackle track which seems wholly unsuitable for cars. Could we be nearly there?

4.28pm - We arrive! It has only taken two hours and 20 minutes. If this boat trip lasts three hours it will be dark when we return.

(Boat interlude)

6.40pm - It is starting to get dark and we are still on the boat.

6.45pm - The guide insists we must be dropped off by the taxi driver where we were picked up rather than at our accommodation which is far closer and basically en route. Requests to be dropped off at a bus stop also fall upon deaf ears.

7.05pm - Yep, it is dark. Our visibility is almost zero and the trip is now pointless.

To give you some idea how bad our visibility is, I took this picture:

Zero visibility: What the end of our trip looked like

7.15pm - We are off the boat and immediately have another row with the guide about how pointless it is for us to be taken back to our pick-up point.

Apparently it is "the rules".

Fortunately the driver - no doubt feeling guilty for his antics earlier - does relent and agrees to take us to a bus stop en route.

8.05pm - We are dropped off at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere but can get back to our accommodation this way.

We had expected to be back at 6pm so are over two hours late.

The boat trip lasted two hours 45 minutes. We have spent three hours and 15 minutes in the taxi being taken to and from the boat. Ridiculous.

India: A huge culture shock

January 31 - February 3

Walking along the seashore a group of half a dozen Indian fishermen beckon to us and urge us to come over

They use a giant Chinese net which measures 30feet across and takes the whole team to gently lower it down into the water.

Almost as soon as they have dropped it down into the sea off the coast at Fort Cochin in Kerala, southern India they are pulling it back out again to see what they have caught.

Haul: Me and Kelly-Ann hold the fishermens' catch - it amounted to no more than a few cuttlefish

These iconic Chinese fishing nets have a long history. Generation after generation have worked as fishermen on this same stretch of coastline right back to the 15th century.

But today is a quiet day. The men are happy for me to help them haul the net out of the water - in the hope that I will hand them a few rupees as a tip which is mere pennies. There's not much to catch, so every rupee counts.

Pulling in the catch: I haul in a rope along with half a dozen other Indian fishermen to see what has been caught

Hauling the net out of the water is tough work in the sweltering 30C sunshine.

Once it is done I go over to examine the catch. It is pitiful - just a few cuttlefish, worth next to nothing, to show for their efforts.

The lead fisherman explains that during the monsoon season - which lasts from June to September - there are far more fish to be had. The catch is sold at nearby stalls.

A Chinese fishing net which is lowered down into the water every few minutes. They have been used in Kerala, southern India, since the 15th century

Our first impressions of India are that it is profoundly poor and we have been surprised by just how underdeveloped the country is.

Even in the towns there is no pavement at the side of the road - only smelly and dirty dust.

To use a mobile phone analogy - even in Vietnam and the poorer parts of China there were people with iPhones and iPads.

Here the only mobile phones are old basic Nokia handsets - most of these people have probably never seen a smartphone which the rest of the world has so quickly begun to take for granted (I'm writing this blog post on one now).

Many of the fish caught in Fort Cochin are sold on stalls like this nearby for mere pennies

Many of the countries we have visited have been cheap by comparison with the UK, but India is really cheap.

Eating out in a restaurant near our accommodation in Kaloor, Kerala, we struggle to spend more than £4 on two main courses (curry, naturally) and drinks. A bus ticket to the beach or Fort Cochin - both around 20 miles away - costs us about 20 pence each.

A fantastic little undeveloped beach we visited around 20 miles from our accommodation in Kerala

Elephant bathing time: We went to a nearby river for 8am to watch the elephants being scrubbed

I am expecting the bigger cities we will visit - like Bangalore and Mumbai - will be much more developed and less alien to the western tourist.

In Britain, Conservative MPs have argued that the UK should stop handing over £286million a year in aid to India.

Although the Indian government could spend their money more effectively to eliminate poverty, the money is mere peanuts to Britain - regardless of the national debt.

The Coalition government are committed to spending 0.7 per cent of GDP on foreign aid. On the basis of what we have seen in our first few days in India that is not enough.

UPDATE: India is the last country we are visiting on our trip and we return to England on March 4.

While in India we will be visiting Cochin, Bangalore, Mysore, Hampi, Goa and Mumbai.

Singapore: Universal Studios theme park, a trip to the zoo and a prisoner of war museum

January 26 - 30

Drinking water on a train will get you a £250 fine, smoking on public transport will cost you £500 and if you drop litter you'll be forced to pay £500.

No one will dispute the fact that Singapore is a "fine" city. It has a reputation the world over for its strict approach to law and order.

With such massive penalties for making any form of mess it is little surprise that it is the cleanest city on earth.

Singapore: Me and Kelly-Ann at the Universal Studios theme park on Sentosa Island in Singapore

Before we arrived someone suggested it is so clean you could eat your dinner off the floor. Yes, it's clean - but that is just disgusting.

As one of Asia's tiger economies, Singapore is one of the richest - and priciest - countries in the region.

When we crossed the border from Malaysia the price of a half litre bottle of water trebled from 20p to 60p.

Singapore only gained full independence from Britain in 1963, but has surged forward economically in leaps and bounds since then.

Today builders are hard at work on the latest new skyscrapers in the Marina Bay business district.

Each September the roads beneath the towers are turned into a Formula One racing track.

Me outside the Universal Studios theme park

The night race around the city's glittering districts has firmly established itself as one of the most prestigious on the motor racing calendar.

In truth, when we arrived we expected little more from our stay than the sky high prices and petty rules which have put this tiny former British colonial outpost on the global map.

But after four days here we were left wishing we didn't have to move on.

A baboon plays with a stick in its mouth at the excellent Singapore Zoo

One of the lions at Singapore Zoo. The animals did not have traditional cages - and it was only a moat separating us from this predator

For tourists, this is probably the coolest country we have been to - there's loads to do as long as you have the budget to spend.

While travelling we have had to live frugally - setting ourselves just £25 a day each to spend in Malaysia and Thailand to make our money last.

But this isn't a place for such restraint. So we spent Singapore $75 (around £40) each on tickets to the Universal Studios theme park.

Tiger economy: The high rise towers in Marina Bay, Singapore. Each year the streets below host a Formula 1 Grand Prix

Iconic building in the Marina Bay area of Singapore

The park is on Sentosa - an island separate from the Singapore mainland - which is also home to a number of other tourist attractions.

There are some huge rides at the park but our favourite was the Transformers 3D rollercoaster.

For those who haven't been on a 3D coaster - where computer-generated objects pop up around you on the ride - it is very hard to explain just how good they are.

The rides tell a story rather than simply hurtling you round bends and they offer a truly immersive experience.

And in keeping with our budgetary escapism, the following day we went to the Singapore zoo.

Unlike other zoos most of the animals are not in cages.

Monkeys were swinging freely from the trees right above our heads - and lemurs walked across the footpath in front of us seemingly oblivious to our presence.

The lions, tigers and other dangerous animals were obviously not allowed the same freedom. But we were separated from their enclosures only by a moat and rarely by a pane of glass.

During our stay we also visited a Singapore history museum and a Prisoner of War museum which told the stories of the thousands interred during the Japanese occupation of World War II.

During the war, the people of Singapore were convinced they were safe and their colonial masters would repel any attacks.

But when the Japanese invaded the city state swiftly fell and British troops were forced into a humiliating surrender in February 1942. For three dreadful years the people of Singapore were forced to live under the dreadful and oppressive Japanese regime.

It was the British failure to protect them that led to independence movements in the post-war era.

And it's with our trip to the museum that our Singapore tale ends - there was loads more to do but we simply didn't have time for it.

It's a city state we would happily return to - we missed out on the night safari, the world's biggest observation ferris wheel and the world's largest aquarium. And that's before we mention the beaches and the Tiger brewery.

There's much more to Singapore than strict rules.